The Odyssey
 
 
A prose poem version by, Sebastian Lockwood
 

Introduction:
 
            Here is the great story of stories told in a way that is lean and accessible for this generation of young readers.  My effort here is to create a version that retains the power and song of the poem and does so using a completely modern idiom.  For every recent translation there are lines that students will stumble over because of anachronisms or unnecessarily awkward phrasing.  I did not want to go into prose “story telling” and I in no way wanted to simplify or “dumb down”  – I want a version that is readable for toady’s student and retains the tone of high poetic and oral language.
            My method has been to use the Loeb version with the Murray’s prose translation as my starting point.  I then take each line in turn and see how each of a number of translators have rendered it: Fagles, Lombardo, Fitzgerald, Lattimore and Shewring as well as others.  I then find my own solution seeking always simplicity and elegance as well as rhythm and rhyme.  The best test of this method is to take any paragraph or stanza and compare solutions – my version seeks to be the most contemporary without ever sacrificing the dignity of the language. 
            Though not working directly from the Greek it was important to me that in any of the lines I rendered I could always show the direct link to the original Greek.  When Odysseus encounters the Pretty girls in pig-tails  as given by Fagles and Fitzgerald, our own students would be more used to the idea of girls in braids.  Braids are contemporary amongst girls yet this remains true to the Greek.
At the end of book five Fagles gives us:
 
            As a man will bury his glowing brand in black ashes,
off on a lonely farmstead, no neighbors near,
to keep a spark alive – no need to kindle
from somewhere else – so great Odysseus buried
            himself in leaves and Athena showered sleep
            upon his eyes … sleep in a swift wave
            delivering him from all his pains and labors,
            blessed sleep that sealed his eyes at last.
 
Fitzgerald:
            A man in a distant field, no hearthfires near,
Will hide a fresh brand in his bed of embers
To keep a spark alive for the next day:
                                                                                                Lockwood, Page 2
 
 
So in leaves Odysseus hid himself,
            while over him Athena showered sleep
            that his distress should end, and soon, soon.
            In quiet sleep she sealed his cherished eyes.
 
Lombardo:
                                                A solitary man
Who lives on the edge of the wilderness
And has no neighbors, will hide a charred log
Deep in the black embers and so keep alive
The fire’s seed and not have to rekindle it
From who knows where.
So Odysseus buried
Himself in leaves.   And Athena sprinkled
His eyes with sleep for quickest release
From pain and fatigue.
                                    And she closed his eyelids.
 
Shewring:
            A neighbourless man in some lonely spot will bury a burning log under gray ash, keeping alive the seed of fire and hoping thus not to need to rekindle it from elsewhere.  So Odysseus buried himself in leaves, and Athena poured sleep upon his eyes, sleep to cover his eyelids over, sleep to release him quickly from toil and pains.
 
And my version:
            You know the way a man alone in the fields in winter will bury a burning coal in the ashes to have fire the next day, that’s how Odysseus hid himself.  Then Athena gave him sweet sleep, an end to pain, as he closed his burning eyes.
 
            Of course the comparison is better seen over the whole reach of a given book.  It is my hope that this version will give students an immediate sense of the power, range and excitement of this great story.  Too often students find themselves bogged down in line by line difficulty and find the reading a task rather than a joy.  I currently give live performances at high schools and colleges as Odysseylive. (odysseylive,org) These performances are aimed at reminding students of the excitement and passion of the Odyssey and thereby send them back to the text with renewed energy.  This version takes a great deal from my live performance and will I trust help students through the thickets of translation that they may fully enjoy the great story.  The aim of all this work is that students will then turn for comparison to other translations eventually moving back to the Loeb and the Greek.